tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
