I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
