i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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