the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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