so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
