I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
