Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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