last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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