I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
