i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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