Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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