i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
