Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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