And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
