So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
