hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
