ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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