I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
