I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm jealous of your bromance
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
