There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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