I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
