The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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