I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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