i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
