farters have to be the big spoon...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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