I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
