He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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