she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
