Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
