i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
