dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
