i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
