He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
