Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
