A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
