I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
