I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
