They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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