i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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