genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
