she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
