dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
