I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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