She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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