I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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