im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
