just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
try to milk me bitch
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