Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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