just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
