dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
