Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
