mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
