Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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