Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
