I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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