but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want her autograph on my taint
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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