If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
