Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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