That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i drank out of a bidet.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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