I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize