Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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