What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
