I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
