I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
