getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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