I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
