seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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