I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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