just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
