Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
