i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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